Not So Hot Chocolate Morning

Well, I'm not normally a blog two days in a row kinda gal, but I just HAD to write about the most hilarious morning I've ever had. Everything was going normally...until about 7AM. At work, I received the assignment to go pick up some giant hamburgers from The Counter...a new hamburger joint at the Gateway. (Casey Scott, our guy that does fun stuff for the morning shows, was making special hamburgers for everyone at the station). Now I don't normally go on food runs, but there was no one that could bring them to us, because Casey and his photog were the only KUTV people there. So, I'd been to the Gateway area before, but it had been awhile...so as I waited for the photog to call me with their exact location, I was kinda just driving around aimlessly for a bit. That's when I was almost pretty much murdered. A group of men...either gang members, drug dealers, or just plain ol' homeless guys, tried to stop me in my car. I saw police lights ahead, so I thought there might be a reason...but I didn't feel right about it, so I just kept driving, hoping I wouldn't end up gettting arrested. I didn't. And luckily, I found the place. So I waited for like half an hour for Casey to do one of his live hits, and for the hamburger people to box and bag the billions of burgers I had to haul back. And these things were huge.....like a pound of beef on bun...with other heart attack-inducing items like bacon, onions..the works. So I made it back to the station had to write two five minute cut ins in like 5 min then me and Jen, my coworker, ate one fourth of a burger (definitely kinda raw...but it was pretty good...I don't really mind the pink stuff). Then we decided to skip Institute and bring one of her friends breakfast because it was his birthday. So we headed to a nearby Starbucks to grab some pastries and hot chocolate. Well, when we got to her friend's house, I proceeded to take off my seatbelt and WHAM! it hit the hot chocolate in my hand...and spilled all over my pants and her car seat. AKA it looked as if I had lost complete control of my bladdder. At this point I refused to go inside to meet her friend...but she convinced me that she would go get a towel and help me clean up first. Well, the towel water smelled so gross, and really just made my pants wet, and didn't help the whole hot chocolate situation. Then Jen, knowing that I felt so embarrassed proceeded to squeeze water onto her pants...to make it look like she peed! It was definitely an Adam Sandler moment. So we walked into the house laughing and crying about everything...and my hands smelling like nasty water. Luckily the lights were very dim inside the house so you couldn't see our pee pants. Then we sang Happy Birthday to this kid...and Jen had told me the wrong name..so I totally sang the wrong thing! Poor kid. Anyway, so for the rest of the morning I sat there and drank my hot chocolate...which was actually kind of gross. It was bitter...so I'm wondering if they put a shot of coffee in there when I wasn't looking...it would make sense because now my hands won't stop shaking. And after all the drama, it wasn't even hot anymore. I tried to eat my pumpkin muffin....but I was just so full after the huge piece of cow I'd just eaten.
Now, I'm at home, and my chocolate clothes are in the wash. I'm so tired...but I'm worried that I won't get to sleep because of this coffee buzz I'm on.
I wonder if this is funny to anyone else besides me. Oh well...my blog, not yours. Peace.
(and i don't feel like proofreading this thing, so if there are mistakes....eat it)

Happy National Chocolate Day

Today at work I discovered that today, October 28, is National Chocolate Day. (By the way, National Chocolate Day also falls on December 28th and December 29th.) Therefore, today was supposed to be the best day ever for chocolate lovers everywhere! So, after work, I decided to purchase some chocolate to celebrate. Thus began my worst shopping trip ever. Ya know those days when you're kind of excited to go to the grocery store because you know everything you want to buy, and you can't stop thinking about all the yummy food you're going to make? Well, this was one of those times for me. And this is rare. Usually I don't really get excited about going to the store...trust me, when I'm in a Wal-Mart the sentence you will most frequently hear from my lips is: "I have to get out of here...this place is a hell-hole." (and I'm sorry I just swore...I'm not usually a swear bear...but honestly that place brings out the worst in me...I do have some swearing stories coming up, though) I plan on making chili tonight....but who knows how it will go because of the following experience....

Anyway it all started with the bread bowls. The last time I went to Smith's...they most definitely had bread bowls. I made a specific mental note, so it's for sure that they sell them. Well, this morning...nothing. Not a bowl made of bread in sight. Not in the bakery, not the bread isle...not even on those trays where they sell their older items. Yes, I would have settled for the old ones.

Second, no diced tomatoes with lime and cilantro. These make the chili taste oh-so-delicious! I honestly stared at this aisle for ten minutes, hoping I didn't miss them. No...they don't have them. So I had to settle with the tomatoes with sweet onion. Experts tell me it will taste ok...but it won't be the same.

Also, I was in search of the best bag of chocolate candy money could buy. Not found. Now, this one is my fault because all the candy companies cannot form a bond and put all of their assorted chocolate candy bars into one bag. I couldn't find a comibination mixed bag of candy that I was completely pleased with. My perfect bag consists of: Snickers, Reese's, KitKats, and Peanut M&m's. And maybe the occasional Three Musketeer.

Finally, THEY RAN OUT OF PUMPKIN ICE CREAM. This may have been the saddest moment of all. As I stared at the empty shelf in the frozen food aisle, one of those sad, slow songs from the 60's came on. "You don't have to stay forever, just be close at hand...you don't have to stay forever I will understand...BELIEVE ME!!!" It was actually a perfect moment. I was probably in a commercial and didn't know it. Pumpkin is my favorite. And it's only in season for awhile, so I have cherish it while I can. But, thanks Smith's, you have ruined my life. But I can't really say I'll stop shopping there...because it is just so darn close. And I can't think of another grocery store to shop at instead.

All I know if, if my chili doesn't taste as good because of you, there will be more swearing.

Confession

Since I'm a college graduate and I work at night...and I have no friends (except my roomie, of course), I've been watching a lot of TV. I mean, I've always been a friend of the television, but it has multiplied tenfold since I've become an adult. And since I am without real friends, I have made quite a few TV friends. And since I graduated from BYU single, that also supposedly makes me hopelessly desperate for a man, I have therefore developed many TV boyfriends. So, here is my confession. I am in love with multiple characters on TV. It's pathetic, and I love it. I mean, we all have to step out of reality once and awhile, right?

So, here is my TOP TEN list of MY television boyfriends (I have to credit some of these relationships to my roommate Megan):

10. Sawyer from LOST
Let's face it: he's hot, he's got that great southern accent, and he gives everyone hilarious
nicknames. What's not to love?
9. Burton "Gus" Guster from Psych
I only just recently recognized our love. It's not so much what he says on the show (although he is often witty)...but I love watching his facial expressions while he's putting up with Shawn's shenanigans.
8. Dr. Jack Shepard from LOST
Once upon a time, the good doctor was on my list...because what woman doesn't love watching a sweaty man with a constant 5 o'clock shadow running around on an island saving lives? He is still wonderfully good looking...but he has tons of issues... and maybe whines a bit too much. But the initial feeling of affection still lingers in my heart.
7. Michael Vaughn from Alias
Our deep love was rekindled this summer when I re-watched the entire series of Alias. He is
wonderful, especially in the first three seasons or so. I would explain more, but I think people
might start recognizing that I probably have a serious problem. If you've seen the show, you'd
know. So...watch it.
6. David Anders ("Sark" from Alias, now "Adam" on Heroes)
An awesome villian. The guy you love to hate. Because he is just so darn good-looking, even
when he is backstabbing someone, or drunk, or anything else. This is relationship would be
classified as unrequited love, though, because David is promised to my roommate Megan.
5. Ned from Pushing Daisies
This is probably my newest relationship. You just love Ned because his face is just so sad all
the time, but he is just so sweet all the time. And the fact that the can still fervently love a
woman...even when he can't touch her (or else she'll keel over)...makes you just want to hug that
piemaker even more.
4. Shawn Spencer from Psych
Ok, this guy totally wins the personality contest. His personality is defintely what is most
attractive to me. Yes, he is very good looking....but he is just so hilarious. And mischievious.
Most people don't take him seriously, but honestly, when you get to know him as much as I
have, you know that he is very passionate, but is just too scared to show it.
3. Jim from The Office
Jim is just a given. I'm pretty sure every girl in America would love to just murder Pam Beesley right now, and force Jim to marry her instead. (But then later we'd all feel guilty because they are basically perfect for each other.) So really, I don't need to get into why Jim is pretty much perfect. Just writing his name is enough.
2. Chuck from Chuck
Chuck is a total nerd, but the most adorable human being on the planet in my opinion. He's a genius, but so awkward when it comes to the woman he's in love with...and of course that makes every female watching him on TV weak in the knees. And the fact that he's not so bad at pretending to be a spy makes him more fun, too.
1. Special Agent Seeley Booth from Bones
Right now, Booth is my number one. Booth really deserves a whole blog post dedicated to him, but I have a hard time expressing my emotions, so he'll probably still get a few sentences. I mean, I'm actually embarrassed to even talk about why he's the best TV boyfriend ever. It would divulge too many of my "Qualities of My Ideal Husband" from those annoying lists that they make you write in Young Women. By the way, I really want to burn that list, but I keep it and read it often because it really is just so ridiculous that I die laughing every time I find it in my scriptures. But, I still won't let anyone read it. Wow, I definitely went out on a tangent there, but that's because I wanted to change the subject out of embarrassment.



So there you go. That was really hard for me....you know, telling people how I feel about them. Not my cup o' tea. :) Hahah. Anyway, I hope this was as hilarious to read as it was to think about it and write it. I mean, I just devoted 45 minutes to talking about television characters. I guess it could be worse.



Let's just pray that I'll still have SOME real friends left after reading this (but only 5 people read the blog anyway, so I'm not too worried).

Volume 3

So, upon reflection, I decided that the series of blogs about getting locked out should be called Lord of the Keys instead. But there's no way I can change them now, that would be ridiculous...and maybe even a bit pathetic. But that new title definitely makes the experiences feel a bit more epic, doesn't it?
Ok, this "locked out" experience actually preceeded my other two...so I've actually been telling them backwards.
Until about 2 weeks ago, I have been homeless. So while I was homeless, I was living in the various basements of friends...first it was Foust for a week...then I moved in with Megan and her parents in Lehi until we could find what is now our lovely place in the Avenues. So anyway, to get into Megan's house I would just go in through the garage and just use the key code to get in. One morning, after the 30 min commute from work, I came back and typed in the code. No movement from the garage door. I tried it ten times, literally. Nothing. I couldn't contact Megan's parents because 1) I didn't have any of their phone numbers and 2) they were both out of the state of Utah. So really, what could they do? So I was a bit panicked. Megan was at work all the way in SLC, and she wasn't answering her phone....and I still had about 4 hours until she was on her lunch break anyway. So I went around the housing, checking for any unlocked doors. But there was really no way that anything would be unlocked, especially if Megan was sleeping all by her lonesome in her house at night. There was a window partially open, but I was not going to go to the extreme of kicking in the screen just to get in. I know I would have felt super terrible. So I did what I always do in a crisis...call my mommy. But, she didn't answer either. What do you do when all the people who are supposed to help you, can't?? (of course you pray...I tried that and no doors magically opened...but I knew things would turn out evetually) I tried the garage door again..still nothing. I wondered if the battery had run out or something...but I couldn't get the battery pack thingy to open up. I decided that I would sleep in my car until Megan called me back...but just sitting in there was making me oh-so-hot...I knew I wouldn't be able to sleep. I decided I should go somewhere...I felt the neighbors were getting suspicious and probably thought I was some kind of prowler or something...who knows? So I drove "into town" to kill some time.
Mommy finally called back. I sat in my car for almost an hour complaining about my dilemma in the Arby's parking lot....hoping Megan would call back at any minute (her lunch hour was getting closer). Still nothing. After eating some lunch and staring at my phone...I wandered around the store for about 2 more hours. No call from Megan....during those hours I think I called her every fifteen minutes. Haha...poor girl. Sorry Megan. By this time...I was super tired....and I decided to go and try the door again....and if not, then just sleep in my car with the windows down and hope that I wouldn't cook to death. I get back...try the door....and.....WHA LA!!! It opened. Turns out the power had gone out for awhile because some construction was being done near by. But, here's the kicker....it had come back on only like 10 minutes after I'd decided to leave the house. If only I had just waited!!!!!!!!!!! And, it turns out...Megan had left her phone at home...so she wouldn't have even known there was a problem until she got home at like 5. And found me sleeping in her driveway. Hahahahaha. It's good that the garage door opened, or I was going to have my Mom sign on to my g-chat at home in OK and try to talk to Megan online or something....that would have been fun. Because really, what could she have done anyway?

So, as you can see, I have spent a lot of time in my car. It's really almost like my second home. And it pretty much was for awhile. I tell ya, living out of your car is super super annoying. I used to think it would be fun trying out homelessness for one night...but after my homeless experience, I do not recommend it.

These posts may or may not be somewhat boring, but here's the thing...I'm a rookie...so get off my back, ok??

The Chronicles of Getting Locked Out Volume 2

So I've been getting locked out of a lot of things recently. Namely, my new house. Since our house is older, our locks are a bit funky. Apparently there are tricks to unlocking the door...and it automatically locks whenever you shut it. No wait...you have to slam it. Or else it doesn't close. Anyway, my first night here, I had just dropped off The Ding (that's Matt Dinger by the way) at his car after taking him to dinner since he helped me move all my junk. (He's a self-proclaimed metrosexual, but he's strong as an ox it turns out). Then, I headed to the grocery store to...well...buy groceries. And this was at the regular Smith's, two blocks away...not the super crazy furniture one with elevators. When I got home and tried to get in, I could not FOR THE LIFE OF ME unlock the door. It didn't matter how hard I pushed the door or turned the key...it would not budge. I called Megan (this is a trend, you'll come to find out). She was still in Lehi getting the rest of her possessions. I called my landlord-neighbors. No answer. So I thought, "no biggie, I can just rest here on the porch for awhile (and this was after I had to put my grocery bags back in the car...after they almost fell into a pile of dog....business). Big mistake. You see, it had just rained...no, poured....and I sat right in a puddle. Honestly, was I really that frustrated that I forgot about the weather?
After I sat in my car for about an hour calling about everyone I knew to chat....and when Megan finally arrived, she had a bit of trouble getting the door open. I mean, we pretty much took a battery ram to the dang thing. She finally got ahold of one of our landlord-neighbors...who had to guide us through the process: turn it all the way to the right...stop. Turn back to regular position. Stop. Turn key to the left, pull the handle as you turn the key. When you feel the bolt unlock...PUSH! (Is that right Megan?) Needless to say I struggled with that one every single time I attempted to open the door. Last weekend, they changed the locks for us and we got new keys. It's a tad bit easier to get in now, but I still struggle. So embarrassing.

The End.

P.S. There is one more volume of The Chronicles of Getting Locked Out. Don't miss it!

The Chronicles of Getting Locked Out Volume 1

As promised, I will tell you a tale about getting my keys locked in my trunk.
Last Saturday, on my way back from adventures in Provo, I decided to make a stop at Smith's Marketplace to buy some bedsheets. Yes, Smith's Marketplace carries bedsheets.....and furniture...and clothes....and all that. Needless to say, I was amazed. I mean, the place even has two floors! I, being a first timer, had no idea how to get to the second floor. I saw some elevators, but I couldn't see if my shopping cart would fit...and I was too embarrrassed to try. (AKA I wandered around the store until I saw someone else get on the elevator with their cart...then joined them in the elevator.) Anyway, after my shopping spree, I of course went to put my groceries in the car. On my way out, my roommate Megan called me to tell me we had a couch....and that her parents were bringing it to our place at that very moment. My help was needed to carry it inside. As I was talking on the phone, my cart started rolling down the hill that I was parked on and I had to stop it with my hip. So, in order to juggle everything...I put my keys down on the floor of the trunk. I finished my phone call and putting the groceries in the car...and while still juggling the runaway cart, began to shut the trunk. At the very last possible second, I caught a glimpse of my keys. CLICK. OH CRAP. Like an idiot I desperately tried to lift the trunk in vain. I also checked to see if I had somehow unlocked my car in the chaos. Nope. I called my roommate Megan, told her my dilemma...then called my dad. Well........AAA wouldn't come rescue me, so I had to call a locksmith. So basically I waited for almost an hour and a half to get my keys back. Megan's parents stopped by to hang out with me until I was rescued. And made it home by 7pm...after most of the General Relief Society Broadcast was over. Dang. Worst $134 I spent. (The experience was a lot more traumatic than it sounds on paper, but let's just say that this was actually one of my worst nightmares.)