[Editor's Note: 1) I wrote this as a Senior in high school. 2) Grammar, etc is probably not perfect...but whatever. 3) We were supposed to write this as if we were applying to a college and had to write about ourselves. 4) Well...I think I will explain this after the essay, or perhaps in a completely different post.]
My Inner Elderly Person
I am an old woman trapped inside a seventeen-year-old girl's body. I know what you may be thinking: "Why would we want this girl to attend our university when she has the limited physical abilities of an elderly person?" Now, do not toss this essay aside until you let me explain myself. The physical aspects of my being an elderly woman are only limited to: the possible deafness in my left ear, my stomach being sensitive to rich food, and this notion that I have that I may be shrinking in size. And aside from the fact that my nickname in fourth grade was "Grandma" and that I always complain that I am "getting old" when I feel pain, my similiarity to an old woman is more mental than physical.
For instance, like many elderly, I live by routine. In the morning I wake up, find my clothes (key word: find), change, put in my contacts, brush my hair and teeth (not at the same time, or with the same brush), and do my makeup. I do this everyday, in the exact same order. If I do not follow this regime, I forget to do one of those activities and probably end up embarrassing myself at school or just going insane.
Most grandparents are very concerned about the well being of their family and friends. I like to think of myself in that way. I do not go to the extreme and become nosy, but I do like to know how my friends are doing and if they need help. I constantly badger them about their health. For example, last night I participated in a church service project and fixed up a local elementary school's playground. It was very hot outside and there was no water to quench our tremendous thirst. My friend started to feel dizzy and thought that she might pass out. Of course, I made sure that this would not happen by promptly telling her, "Now you better not faint on me!" (I am sure those "magic" words did the trick.) I also tried to check up on her every few seconds to make sure she was not lying on the ground unconscious.
Every day, I can almost guarantee that I will hear some amount of profanity. Whether it is from television of from students at school, I hear plenty of it. And I do not like it. I do not enjoy hearing those "choice" words fall upon my ears, so I have decided to replace these words with that I like to call "old fogie terms," or terms that were said in the "old days." So, if I ever hit my thumb with a hammer, you will most likely hear me scream "Heavens to Betsy!" If I am surprised, I will say, " Oh heavens!" or "Knock me down and call me horizontal!" I am not certain where these terms originate from, but I think they add humor to the situations in which I use them.
I am in no way ashamed to be compared to an old person, and I am quite content to have these qualities. These qualities make me...me. I do not mind my "inner elderly person" telling me that I am not doing things in the right order, or to check up on someone, or to remember to use clean language. This inner self is what keeps me going. And maybe, as I mature and become older, my inner child will be struggling to get out and tell me to lighten up.
Ok, so there you go. I have some things to explain/add/say in general...but I will save that for the next post (so you can rest your eyes). So please....just enjoy this for a few days (key word: enjoy).
