It's Time.

Ok, folks. I was reading through some of my old posts for my immense amusement...and I realized I had promised I would post the essay that I wrote about in my very first blog post. So...since I haven't been able to think of anything else to post (and it's been more than a month)...here it is, in all its glory.

[Editor's Note: 1) I wrote this as a Senior in high school. 2) Grammar, etc is probably not perfect...but whatever. 3) We were supposed to write this as if we were applying to a college and had to write about ourselves. 4) Well...I think I will explain this after the essay, or perhaps in a completely different post.]

My Inner Elderly Person

I am an old woman trapped inside a seventeen-year-old girl's body. I know what you may be thinking: "Why would we want this girl to attend our university when she has the limited physical abilities of an elderly person?" Now, do not toss this essay aside until you let me explain myself. The physical aspects of my being an elderly woman are only limited to: the possible deafness in my left ear, my stomach being sensitive to rich food, and this notion that I have that I may be shrinking in size. And aside from the fact that my nickname in fourth grade was "Grandma" and that I always complain that I am "getting old" when I feel pain, my similiarity to an old woman is more mental than physical.

For instance, like many elderly, I live by routine. In the morning I wake up, find my clothes (key word: find), change, put in my contacts, brush my hair and teeth (not at the same time, or with the same brush), and do my makeup. I do this everyday, in the exact same order. If I do not follow this regime, I forget to do one of those activities and probably end up embarrassing myself at school or just going insane.

Most grandparents are very concerned about the well being of their family and friends. I like to think of myself in that way. I do not go to the extreme and become nosy, but I do like to know how my friends are doing and if they need help. I constantly badger them about their health. For example, last night I participated in a church service project and fixed up a local elementary school's playground. It was very hot outside and there was no water to quench our tremendous thirst. My friend started to feel dizzy and thought that she might pass out. Of course, I made sure that this would not happen by promptly telling her, "Now you better not faint on me!" (I am sure those "magic" words did the trick.) I also tried to check up on her every few seconds to make sure she was not lying on the ground unconscious.

Every day, I can almost guarantee that I will hear some amount of profanity. Whether it is from television of from students at school, I hear plenty of it. And I do not like it. I do not enjoy hearing those "choice" words fall upon my ears, so I have decided to replace these words with that I like to call "old fogie terms," or terms that were said in the "old days." So, if I ever hit my thumb with a hammer, you will most likely hear me scream "Heavens to Betsy!" If I am surprised, I will say, " Oh heavens!" or "Knock me down and call me horizontal!" I am not certain where these terms originate from, but I think they add humor to the situations in which I use them.

I am in no way ashamed to be compared to an old person, and I am quite content to have these qualities. These qualities make me...me. I do not mind my "inner elderly person" telling me that I am not doing things in the right order, or to check up on someone, or to remember to use clean language. This inner self is what keeps me going. And maybe, as I mature and become older, my inner child will be struggling to get out and tell me to lighten up.

Ok, so there you go. I have some things to explain/add/say in general...but I will save that for the next post (so you can rest your eyes). So please....just enjoy this for a few days (key word: enjoy).

Minnie Mocked Me

Today, as I was riding the freight elevator up and down all morning (you'll find out why later), I thought about what an interesting list of skills I've acquired in the past six months at my new job. So, here is my new resume that I'm sure will get me a job in Hollywood or something.

Skills:
Model: I modeled my Halloween costume during the weather segment.
Professional Dancer: I also danced in my Halloween costume on live television (something I rather regret).
Food Taster: I tasted yams during a cooking segment on my birthday. They even let me blow out a candle and everything. I think I'm ready for commercials.
Delivery Gal: I have delivered burgers, pastries, sandwiches, and even photos between the station and Casey's (our feature reporter) live shot location.
Professional Bowler: Yes, I have bowled on live TV. And I was terrible. (Oh yeah, and I ate more food on TV, too.)
Tour Guide: I give tours to high school students who don't think I'm funny.
Dog Racer: I was in charge of holding a Yorkie before a race with another dog. Luckily, she was released before she could pee on me.
Bodyguard: Today, I had the privilege of escorting Mickey and Minne Mouse from the first floor to a secret location in the basement (hence the elevator). That was interesting, and maybe a little creepy. Minne kept mocking me by mimicking every move I made. And Mickey kept standing dangerously too close to me. I don't really think I like things in costumes.

So, what do you think? Am I hired?

Lost--in the good way.

Sorry, folks (aka the 5 people who bother to give this blog a glance). I haven't written for awhile.


I've been busy......................watching LOST. Watching LOST like it's my job.

I've been watching all of the seasons straight through since Christmas. And now I'm soooo ready for the 5th season to start! I have to say that these LOST marathons have started affecting my dreams. Last night, I had gotten a song published in a magazine that I had written about LOST. I had forgotten that I had written it for a class, and they loved it, so they got it published. The weird thing is, I have this distinct impression that I had a totally separate dream another night about actually writing the song. Awesome. All I know about the song is that it was an awesome choral arrangement.

Needless to say, the trippy dream has reminded me that I have some songs in my head that I really should write. My brain just won't let me rest. And heaven knows I have the time to do it now.



Anyway, so that's the update on my life. I really don't do much else (besides that whole working full-time thing).



But , I am looking forward to finally going home next month--my mom has no idea, and it's at the most random time. It's going to be hilarious. And it will be nice, since it's been over a year since I've been to the OK. HOORAY!!!



Peace.

Bah Humbug

Here's the thing--I love Christmas. I really do. But, I'm kinda boycotting it this year. Not the whole celebrating the birth of the Savior part or anything. I'm giving gifts, I'm singing the songs, and heck, we even have delightful Christmas decorations up in our house. But, I'm not really feelin' it on the inside. It's not truly Christmas when you don't get to spend it with your family, in your own house, and get to sleep in your own childhood room. And since I don't get to do that, on account of that I'm a real-live adult and have to work, it's not REALLY Christmas...at least not for me.

So I'm going through the Christmas-y motions, putting a smile on my face, for the benefit of all mankind...but on Christmas morning, I won't be celebrating Jensen-style. A lot of people have invited me to spend Christmas morning with them, but I think I would enjoy it more if I could just stay at my little house in the Avenues, in my most comfy pajamas and my bathrobe (oh, and I have a very sad story about my favorite p'jams) where I can open the presents I have from my mother, and talk to my family on the phone at every whim. My only Christmas wish is that I could talk to them face-to-face, but I can live with the phone idea. (And don't worry...I'll probably be eating some kind of Christmas buffet with my mom's relatives later on in the evening...I won't starve.)

Now, this post is NOT to envoke pit or anything...I'm really alright. I have to admit I'm interested to see how my Maren Christmas will turn out. It could be kinda fun. I'm only trying to explain why my smile might seem a little fake while singing Christmas carols. But, please, don't call me Scrooge...that'll make me real mad.

Have yourselves a merry little Christmas!!!

Warning, "Twilight" Spoilers Ahead!

I have something I need to say.

Edward: "Say it... Say it out loud."




--Twilight was a pretty terrible (and therefore, hilarious) movie.



I definitely wasn't expecting much coming into this movie, because, come on, did you see the trailer? I would burst out laughing every time it came on TV. But, I have to say, the film was actually worse than I thought it would be. Here's why:

1) The acting. It was so bad. Bella had the same look on her face the entire movie....whether she was being very.....slowly....kissed by Edward, or getting her leg snapped in two by James, the tracker-vampire.
And Edward, though very good-looking, just wasn't doing it for me. Ok, so he's supposed to be practically dead, but that didn't mean that he couldn't show more personality once in awhile. But he at least branched out a bit more than Bella....he had TWO different facial expressions: a) I am going to burst into tears at any moment and b) I think I am going to vomit everywhere and never stop.

2) The dialogue. Ok, since a lot of the books are looking inside Bella and we hear every stupid, needy, freak-of-nature thought of hers, I wasn't expecting much from the outward dialogue from the characters. But, I was hoping that they'd take the liberty to add a bit more in the movie, just for entertainment's sake. Well, I was definitely entertained by the few lines they decided to add...my favorite being, "You better hold on tight, you spidermonkey!" (I audibly yelled "What?!!" when that one was said.) I definitely had a few lines to add of my own, especially after "Since when do vampires play baseball?" I think it would have been very appropriate to add, "And since when do vampires wear uniforms to play baseball?" (tight pants included?!).

3) The soundtrack. The cheesy, ridiculous, soundtrack I think is what really did this movie in. I mean, I can handle a bit of bad acting and dialogue (seriously, it is a movie about teenage vampires), but the choice of music really amped up the camp in this one. For example, when the Cullens first enter the school cafeteria, I swear a Stevie Nicks song was playing in the background. I was just waiting for Stevie to begin to warble "Just like the white wing dove sings the song sounds like they're singin'....OOOH BABY, OOOH, BABY OOO!" And did they really think that we wouldn't know who the bad guy in the movie was? They felt like they had to remind us who the enemies were by bringing up the electric guitar in the background!

Ok, I feel better. Granted, I highly enjoyed myself while watching this movie. I barely had time to breathe, I was laughing so hard. It was definitely an unforgettable experience.

In all seriousness, I sincerely apologize to anyone who just absolutely loved this movie...and there's only one reason why you would--you were just so obsessed and in love with the books that all you cared about that the hormonal love story was played out on screen and it didn't matter how good it was. It was everything you hoped for and more. I think I agree with one critic who basically said that they worried so much about sticking to the book, that they didn't try to make it a better movie.

Glad that's off my chest.
Thank you for letting me say what I needed to say.

Gonna Party Like It's My Burfday...

So, I'm 23 now. Interesing. A lot of people ask me how my birthday was, so I thought I would document it on here.
Well, I was definitely awake once midnight hit...because I was, of course, working. At about 2 am, my co-workers brought out a whole bunch of chocolate cupcakes and lit some candles. I blew 'em out, and tried not to spit all over them. I spent the morning eating and working and bossing people around until 7:25. I made my second TV debut, but instead of dancing like a fool, I ate yams. I did a cooking segment with our weather lady, Debbie. And by "did a cooking segment" it means I blew out some more candles and ate yams in the background while the anchors did the cooking. Seriously, I should pursue a career of eating on TV. (I'm also available to show off my dance moves, yet again....but this time without a costume.)
After work, I went to Institute. My co-worker (Jen) brought the leftover cupcakes to class, and made everyone sing to me. Here was my favorite conversation of the day....we had a very old man as our substitute and after the birthday song...here's what happened:
Very Old Man Substitute Teacher: "So, how old are you today?"
Birthday Girl: "Twenty-three."
VOMST: "Twenty-three and still single?"
BG: "Heh....yep."
And a hush fell over the crowd. Really, was that necessary? Haha I was so caught off guard by the question, that I forgot to say something witty...like..."You better believe it!" or "In your dreams!" or....you know, something that didn't make me feel/look like an idiot to the 12 other people in the room.
After giving away the remaining cupcakes, I was tired of eating just sugar...so I took myself out to breakfast at Einstein Bagels (which is conveniently located near my home). After breakfast, I opened one of the boxes my mom sent me for my birthday: it contained some of my old books from home that I requested. (I'm still waiting for the other presents to arrive, but I somehow think they got lost in the mail, since I think she sent them a week ago.) I talked to the woman who gave birth to me for an hour, then decided I should take a shower. Then, of course I went to sleep.
When I woke up at 7pm, I found my living room decorated with streamers....and a man! My new boyfriend. Well, it was a cardboard cut-out of Superman, which was probably better than a real man anyway (I was in my p'jams after all). It was time for Bones, (featuring my number one TV boyfriend Booth....who was coincidentally also celebrating his birthday...meaning that of course we really are meant to be together) and Megan came home with dinner! It was Hires, yum. Unfortunately, I dug in probably a little sooner than I should and the meal didn't sit too well with me. But it still tasted good. Then my father called...and after chatting with him, I decided to sleep the rest of the meal off. So, sorry if you called me that night, I had my phone on silent. After the nap...it was back to work!
So how's that for a birthday, eh? You know, it could have very well been an ordinary day. But, I did what I wanted, when I wanted (for the most part). And I didn't have to dress up or impress anyone...I just stayed in my pajamas. And it was glorious. So, thanks to everyone who made it a great day!
(and technically, my birthday's still going....I'm partying down in Provo this weekend...and I still have a box coming...)

I Guess I Got Tagged...

And I guess that means I should do it. I mean, I don't have to, but I told Christina I would so I am. It's taken me awhile to even notice that I got tagged, or to even know what to do with it. So, I will do as asked and...do it....

7 TV Shows I Love to Watch:
(this one should be easy and pay no attention to the order)
1) Chuck
2) Heroes
3) LOST
4) Bones
5) The Office
6) Pushing Daisies
7) The Simpsons (the older ones, of course)

7 Things that Happened Yesterday:
1) Took a shower
2) Read Harry Potter 7 for a few hours
3) Went to Church
4) Ate dinner
5) Watched part of "The Importance of Being Earnest"
6) Watched the CES Fireside
7) Fell asleep during the CES Fireside

7 Favorite Places to Eat:
(I don't know why this is hard for me...)
1) Guru's in Provo
2) Costa Vida
3) Johnnie's (oh how I wish that place was everywhere and not just OKC!)
4) Chili's
5) El Chico
6) Rubio's (I've only eat there once, but for some reason I keep dreaming of their food)
7) Fast food...I'll pretty much eat anywhere (ok that's a lie, but I like to think that anyway)

7 Things I'm Looking Forward To:
1) Being my own boss and writing what I want, when I want
2) My family (and my adorable niece) coming to visit me this month!!!!
3) My little brother coming home from his mission
4) Knowing what I REALLY want to do with my life
5) Actually getting to know people in my ward, and actually making friends
6) Working a job that happens in the day time
7) The new LOST season

7 Things on My Wish List:
1) I wish I could go home and be with my family for Christmas
2) I wish I could have a normal sleeping schedule
3) I wish I could write a really great book
4) I wish I could really write a really great movie, or at least work on one
5) I wish I could finally write the two really awesome songs I have in my head, but I think I'm too scared to just sit down and do it
6) I wish all my friends from Provo could move up to SLC with me
7) I wish I could take a vacation

The next category is "7 People I Tag" but I don't think I know of 7 people to tag....so I won't.
Um, so there are some insights into my ever so exciting life. Sorry it's lame. :)